Girl 0: Roll Call

It’s a lot.

Dating is–or rather can be–exhausting.

I guess part of what’s happening here is my approach. Because that’s just it… it’s just an approach. I am approaching these humans. Strangers. People approaching people. Sometimes poaching, sometimes encroaching, but mostly approaching.

I present the following statistics not to inflate or deflate my self-worth but simply because I find them interesting.

Big thing I’ve learned… Date 1 is pass/fail. Date 2 is graded.

Second dates are naturally less journalistic… the further you travel down the path from strange to significant, the less objective you become, so I want to acknowledge that. That’s why you haven’t seen me write up second dates… who knows though. That might change.

So.

12 boys. April 2019.

(Lest you don’t believe me, the first date with Boy 1 was April 6, and the last date of this sequence, a second date with Boy 10, was April 27th)

12/12 texted me after.

12/12 did not kiss me on the first date.

1/12 invited me to his place on the first date.

4/12 AM dates.

8/12 PM dates.

6/12 Second Dates (Boy 2, 4, 6, 7, 9, 10).

2/12 Second Dates where I knew I didn’t want a third.

1/12 Third Dates* (Boy 2).

*This is a complicated statistic because several of the third date options I would have pursued were subject to travel restrictions.

P.S. Just so you know, it’s not just boys. I’m also editing and visiting new cities and having Skype therapy and eating butter cake in St. Louis and buying cheap pants at midnight at Meijer in Indiana and loving Amy Winehouse’s cover of Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

Girl 0: Payment Plans

So.

Let’s talk about who pays.

I have now been on 6 first dates and 1 second date with many more potential ones coming up.

Why does the guy pay?

Why.

WHY.

Will someone please explain this to me?

At first, I didn’t mind. I even somehow subconsciously expected it. Like, sure, yeah, this is a thing, the guy will offer. I always reach for my wallet; I always say I want to “contribute to the cause;” and then inevitably, I give in.

After these aforementioned 7 dates though, I’m starting to have a bit of a bitter financial aftertaste… so, like, if you text me, and I want to text you back. Awesome. Then next time, I’ll pay! But let’s say, I don’t like you. I sat through the date. But for some reason, you liked me… so then you text me. I’m not gonna lie. I’m suddenly in this slightly uncomfortable position because I feel conscious of the fact that you paid.

I think about it… if I had to pay for the date, I would… date less. I would resent people who didn’t text me back if I felt like there was chemistry. I would wonder why I was supposed to pay.

So why should dating be twice as expensive for men as for women? Yes, men are getting paid more (that joke has been made now on 2/7 dates), but this doesn’t feel like the way to get our money back as women? In fact, it feels like maybe it perpetuates a worldview in which men are, ahem, meant to financially provide for women who are meant to carry the men’s sperm to completion and wipe down counters? No?

So, here’s my proposal:

Date 1: We split. NO MATTER WHAT. The only reason we wouldn’t split is… nope. There’s no reason. WE SPLIT BECAUSE WE DO NOT KNOW YET IF WE LIKE EACH OTHER.

Date 2: You can offer to pay if you adore me.

Date 3+: Depends on 10,000 different things, but like… take turns, maybe? Unless you’re making a big gesture.

This is all I have to say on the matter, and for all dates moving forward, I will be insisting on splitting. Deal with it.

Girl 0: Brunette into Nutella and books… and boys.

That’s me! I’m Girl 0. As in Patient 0. I’m where the disease begins so to speak.

I’m a brunette, and I signed up for Hinge. That’s probably all you really need to know. Oh, and that I’ve decided to blog about every interaction I have because I wish I could’ve read a blog like this.

These posts are organized by males in the order that I met them. After that they are organized by date. I thank everybody that goes out with me because I am grateful for their time. It’s hard to share yourself, and everyone on Hinge is, in some way, sharing themselves.

Things I can tell you about me without revealing my identity so that you can get a sense of what I’m like on this app.

I’m in that urban late 20s/early 30s bracket, and I’m coming out of a relationship that ended several months ago.
I have read many books though I don’t feature this prominently in my profile (unless you decide to make an assumption based on my educational background). So, I tend to respond pretty positively to more academic texts or quips.
I think I’m funny… LOL WHO KNOWS. And my profile certainly features and focuses on a sense of humor. ‘Cause I want to spend time with someone funny. And, yes, everyone says they want someone funny… this is obviously complicated because there’s no such thing as “someone funny,” ’cause humor, like beauty, is in the eye of the goddamn beholder. So: HUMOR. Important. That being said, humor gets awfully fishy over text message. “LOL” is more of a strategically placed “vocal filler” (in quotations marks because “LOL” as a communication is not spoken–it’s typed) than an indication of any laughing and many people text hysterical and then can’t actually hack it face to face.
I’m a freelance artist, so my day-to-day life changes constantly, and I tend to be busy in the evenings. This is relevant for (a) conversation and relations with most people who are not also artists and (b) date scheduling is sometimes hard, actually.
I’m open. If you reach out to me, and there is even a remote chance that I might like you, I will message you back. The universe works in mysterious ways, and I am happy to be surprised by the world. That being said, I will not match with you if you have a shirtless picture. Sorry, that’s just a dealbreaker for me.